This is the part of the listicle that no one reads. You just skip it and get to the list because it’s the most important part and the easiest to read. If you’ve made it this far you must be some type of scholar or dad or something. All of the following things are true if you want them to be.
April 1
April Fools’ Day! Your life is a lie. Wake up.
April 2
Go see Alton Brown at the Civic Center in OKC, but do so dressed as Alton Brown and then sign autographs.
April 3
This is the deadline to apply for the George Kaiser Family Foundation Tulsa Artist Fellowship. They give you money and housing to be an artist for a year — the ultimate “fuck you” to all of those people who asked what you were going to do with that degree.
April 4
There will be a total lunar eclipse (not of the heart) between 5:17 and 7:16 am visible in Oklahoma City. Just letting you know so you can avoid it.
April 5
Today is the beginning of the Cold Food Festival in China, Korea, and Vietnam — a great day to not heat up your leftover pho. It was never going to taste the same anyway.
Oh, oops. It’s also Easter. He is risen, y’all! Have a mimosa!
April 6
As an Oklahoman it is very important to support all other Oklahomans in their reality TV dreams, or, at the very least, claim to know their grandma from church. Watch yet another white boy sing country music to Blake Shelton on The Voice and feel like you’re a part of something, something that is going to slowly kill us
all.
April 7
Today is the day that Rand Paul announces his candidacy for president. Have a drink! Have four!
April 8
Join the Oklahoma Sierra Club at the capitol to lobby for our environment. Bring snowballs.
April 9
Easter Island Festival starts in Keetonville and features lots of local bands, kids you went to high school with that you didn’t know smoked weed now, and yoga. I won’t be there but handfuls of dudes I dated
will.
April 10
You guys! It’s Siblings Day! What a great opportunity to get your social media feeds blown up with adorable pictures of pictures of your acquaintances and their siblings! Only children, you are worthless
to society on this day, as you are every day.
April 11
Local redhead and ukelele songwriter Erin Walker turns 26 on this day. She is known for being my best friend for 15 years and knowing more about rap than you.
Alternatively, Taraji P. Henson is the host on SNL and I promise to start watching Empire before this airs. But, in my defense, how many promos for that show did we all have to suffer through before it actually premiered?
April 12
There is a probably a gun show today. Oh, look at that. There is one. Please only go if you’re purchasing your brother-in-law a samurai sword because you have no idea what else to get him for his birthday.
April 13
Happy National Library Week! Celebrate your literacy!
April 14
Bryan Adams is playing at the Hard Rock Casino in Tulsa, a great time to educate children in your life about how funny the song “Summer of ’69” really is.
April 15
Tax Day. Don’t forget to call your dad and ask him if he filed them for you.
April 16
A new Andy Warhol exhibit featuring portraits of athletes opens at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. This is the stuff Tinder-date dreams are made of.
April 17
From what I can tell, the event happening on April 17 involves DJs and hoses spraying paint. I think it would be a lot more fun to try to do this at home with just a playlist and a kiddie pool full of paint, alone.
April 18
Happy Record Store Day! I promise you Oxford Karma will provide you with a stellar guide to events happening on this day on a later date.
April 19
This marks 20 years since the Oklahoma City bombing.
April 20
4/20 is the day on which we celebrate cannabis and all of the visionaries it has inspired throughout the years.
April 21
John Moreland’s new album, High on Tulsa Heat comes out. Go get it and realize that this man is a treasure.
April 22
It is Earth Day. Wow! We live here! Am I doing this right?
April 23
The farmers’ market at Guthrie Green in Tulsa starts up on a new day — Thursday instead of Sunday — at 4 p.m., providing you with another great reason to drink at the Green and maybe buy some kale.
April 24
Tonight you may you choose from the following events: Modest Mouse at the Diamond Ballroom, Shakey Graves at Cain’s Ballroom, Norman Music Festival, Gabriel Iglesias at the Cox Convention Center, or Pitbull at Winstar Casino. Make your choice wisely, because, as Pitbull once said, every day above ground is a great day.
April 25
Today is the perfect day.
April 26
Sleep in today. Nothing is happening.
April 27
Take five minutes to look at yourself naked in the mirror today and just feel it.
April 28
Now is a good time to decide if this was the worst month of your life or not.
April 29
May is going to be so great. I really believe that.
April 30
Happy May eve!
