Tulsa Tough
5 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m. Saturday, 8 a.m. Sunday
Downtown Tulsa
It’s that time of the year when a city in the middle of America becomes an international Mecca for cycling, giving Tulsans yet another thing to boast excessively about. Though I haven’t ridden my bike in a year — and even if I did it would just be for a cute Instagram post — I am a huge fan of this event. I do not claim to know how to do it right, and I imagine this guide is useless for people who have children, are typically sober or actually want to watch the races. Nonetheless, I give you my poorly researched, heavily biased and in no way comprehensive guide to Tulsa Tough.
Friday: Blue Dome District, 2nd Street and Elgin Avenue
The races on Friday take place around the Blue Dome District, an area full of both great and awful places to eat and drink. There’s always a bulk of humanity there, so you may want to hold off if you don’t like large crowds or anticipate getting very stoned. I encourage a drink at Arnie’s, or any of the restaurants around there: Maybe a beer at McNellie’s; a shot of tequila at El Guapo’s; a sake bomb at Yokozuna; or even handful of brisket soaked in bourbon at Rib Crib. I really don’t know if they do that last one, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Eat pizza and gelato at STG’s. I specifically suggest the Biscoff gelato, but all of their pies are great. If you need a good mix of stimulants and depressants, try the coffee at Dwelling Spaces. I will be at an exclusive party at the coolest hair salon in town that overlooks the course. The first person to find me and mention this article snags a bottle of champagne.
Saturday: Brady Arts District, Brady Street and Boston Avenue
On Saturday, go a little farther north to the Brady Arts District to watch more racing and drink more beer. If you can wade through the masses and get to Soundpony, you should hang around there. Chimera is my favorite place for coffee and has the best vegan food in town. Tavern, Laffa, and Lucky’s on the Green are the best choices for dine-in food. Drink fancy and say “hi” to cute bartenders at both Valkyrie and Saturn Room. Remember to pace yourself and stay hydrated, because tomorrow is when you will need to party your balls off and remember that no crybabies are allowed. If you find me and mention this article, I will take a selfie with you in the Soundpony bathroom, giving you instant popularity.
Sunday: Cry Baby Hill, 15th Street and Riverside Drive
I know: You’re hungover, tired and have blisters and sunburns. However, I need you to suck it the fuck up and meet me at the top of the hill. This year’s Cry Baby Hill theme is “Under the Sea.” I had no idea there were themes until this year, so maybe it doesn’t matter. Still, you should dress up in something preferably inappropriate that breathes. Bring your own booze, food, and water. I think it is going to be pretty hot this year so try to keep that in mind as you tuck your head and stumble away from the course shortly before passing out. You need to prepare yourself for how crazy it will be. I have never been to Mardi Gras or the Roman Empire, but this feels like a mixture of both. If you find me on this day and mention this article, I will give you a jello shot and forget seeing you the next day.
Other Things:
Parking
Prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and physically to walk a lot. Parking in downtown Tulsa is already a bitch since we are bad at planning for the future but great at putting a lot of cool stuff in one place. My guess is that Ubers are going to be pretty high this weekend too, especially with all of the tourists in town. Basically, get all of your frustration about parking and walking and paying for transportation out now so you can just focus on having a good time.
Food trucks
Tulsa has many delicious options when it comes to food trucks. Lonewolf is sort of a Vietnamese fusion and has the best bánh mì and kimchi fries in the area. Andolini’s pizza truck serves massive slices (you will need two if you are hammered). The Wurst has various weiners that I cannot eat in front of people but will if I have no choice. Mr. Nice Guys has great tacos and a ton of other stuff I can’t quite remember right now. Masa is like gourmet Mexican food that is really good, but similarly a little pricey. Of course, you could also just pack a granola bar if you allocate your budget on the downing of innumerable jello shots.
Soundpony
Soundpony is the heart and soul of Tulsa Tough. It’s a cycling bar with a team that races and a chant that you have to yell — a lot. No Tulsa Tough experience would be complete without a trip to the Pony. There, you can talk to the sweetest, hottest bartenders in town, take a Pony shot (go ahead, order one and see what happens). Also, snap pics with your friends and strangers in the bathroom. And, if you are me, answer their phone drunkenly and claim you own the place.
