I’m no Joshua Boydston, but I definitely consider myself a pretty big music fan and lover of live music in particular. So nothing yanks my chain more than paying good money to see a band I’m obsessed with only to have the evening marred by the antics of some drunken, butt-faced miscreant.
As summer is typically the peak of the live music season, we at Oxford Karma thought it wise to include a little “how to not be an asshole” guide for those of you planning to indulge a bit before heading out to your concert festivities. And just remember: Clichés are usually clichés for a reason.
Eat first
Amateur hour, I know, but all of us (myself included) have fallen prey to the “going straight from A to B(ar) with zero food” scenario at least once in our lives. I’m by no means suggesting a food-baby-inducing meal — just a taco or two to line your stomach before the poison makes its way down the hatch. You may be thinking, “Yeah, Mom. Whatever. I can hold my own.” But watch out, because the next thing you know you’ll be leaving a wedding at 7 p.m. and waking up the next morning to a friend asking you how your back is feeling and telling you that you left your credit card at a place called Drinkz — with a fucking “z.” Don’t say you haven’t been warned, people.
Locate the nearest water source
Once the booze has been circulating for a good while, it’s easy to look at a glass of water and want to knock it over just to teach it a lesson. But seriously, do your body a solid and track down a watering hole like you’re an African gazelle in need of sweet, sweet hydration. If you’re at a festival, swallow your pride and either buy a $5 box of water or — and I can’t believe I’m suggesting this — wear one of those supremely attractive CamelBak backpacks. Your dignity may be gone, but hell, at least your consciousness will remain intact. And if you’re just going to a concert in town, then your options are a lot better; chug a bottle of water before and after, and remind yourself that just because a beer isn’t in your hand at that moment, that doesn’t mean it fails to exist. Beer will be there when you’re done, honey, so just enjoy the music.
Have a designated buddy
This is a symbiotic crack spirit guide relationship, if you will. One of you is required to keep your shit together while the other must try his or her best to not be a total asshole, so choose your buddy wisely. I, for example, know not to choose my best friend from high school in this scenario, because we would both end up buying the room a round of shots and trying to follow the lead singer on the way out. Your buddy is there to make sure you’re replenished and having a good time, and vice versa. If you’re babysitting each other, then you’re both more likely to walk out of there with smiles on your faces and an excellent concert experience in the books.
Stick with what you know
Go for that trusty Blue Moon or gin and tonic. This is not, I repeat, not the occasion to try absinthe for the first time or to ask the bartender for five of his most delicious shots (shots should burn on the way down and put hair on your chest anyway). If you stick with a drink that you know, then you’ll also be able to recognize your limit and stop yourself from crawling on the stage and yelling “Free Bird!!!” (Better question: Where the hell is your buddy in all of this?)
Slow and steady wins the race
Drink at dinner, drink or two at the bar, beer at the concert. This formula has never failed me and I dare say it will treat you well too. Most people who buy tickets to concerts are actually there to enjoy the music, so be courteous to your fellow man and dial it down a few notches. If you don’t, because karma is a bitch, you’ll inevitably run into a fellow concertgoer at, oh, Power House later (as I did with the mustachioed idiot from the BLSH concert) and will be the recipient of an across-the-room death glare for the rest of the night.
Uber it
Don’t drink and drive, people. This has been your friendly public service announcement.
