WWE Monday Night Raw
6 p.m. Monday
Chesapeake Energy Arena | Oklahoma City
Please, find closure and bid your final farewells to the Chesapeake Energy Arena. Come next week, little will remain of Oklahoma City’s largest venue in the wake of WWE Monday Night Raw. Spanning over a thousand uninterrupted episodes, the televised spectacle has been a cultural staple for over 20 years.
There’s quite a bit to know and very little time. Allow this short guide to ferry you across the river of World Wrestling Entertainment and into the desolate streets of Suplex City.
Do your research, know your role
While plunging in without a prerequisite can be good for a lot of things, it’s not a terrible idea to brush up on your WWE mythos beforehand. The search for something substantial and invigorating, however, can be more difficult. Here are a few recommended sources to build your lexicon of grappling.
There’s no particular shortage of wrestling podcasts, as many of the veteran superstars already have some kind of entry on iTunes. Unfortunately, very few of these options can excite anyone other than the most diligent of fans. The Steve Austin Show and Talk Is Jericho are hosted by two of the largest icons to tussle in the ring, often touting a slew of the most important names in sports entertainment as guests. Likewise, Colt Cabana’s The Art of Wrestling ranks among the most successful wrestler-hosted podcasts, featuring perhaps the most comprehensive discussions on the subject.
For reading, Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer Newsletter is the default for many fans, bolstering upwards of a 30-year tender covering every facet of the sport. For an easily accessible and constantly updating forum, the pro wrestling subreddit r/squaredcircle is probably the best. Discussions run rampant and many users often post series focusing on the history and quirks of the industry.
Photo: Kristina Haden
Get drunk, break shit
First and foremost, if you intend to drink, grab an Uber, Lyft, or a sober friend. Unlike a Thunder game, Raws aren’t struck as hard by the surge pricing that often plagues downtown events.
There are several dives and restaurants surrounding the Chesapeake Energy Center, but very few can be considered as appropriate as some of these selections. For obvious reasons, In the Raw is a solid option, especially with its sizable selection of sushi and drinks. Unfortunately, the proprietors are probably a little hesitant to host any kind of falls-count-anywhere match.
For a group, Fuzzy’s Taco Shop is hard to deny. With its fish bowl, a massive concoction of several sweet and fruity liquors, the gates to inebriated wrestling nirvana are never far away. Just remember that in order to purchase one, you’ll need at least a party of four. Coincidentally, that’s the minimum number of participants needed for a Texas Tornado match.
Study children’s psychology, yell at kids
This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone, but John Cena’s kind of a big deal, especially if you’re below the age of 12. In contrast, Cena remains among the seasoned fan’s worst foil, representing one of many points of discussion that widen the generational gap between fans. In a peculiar way, arguing with kids can bring us closer as we shed the age barriers that traditionally keep fans of varying ages from converging.
More often than not, however, it pushes us further and further apart, so make sure embarrassing yourself was worth it. A quick viewing of Richard Linklater’s Boyhood should give you an idea of how children tend to argue. Once you have a feel for the logic, you can get a handle on their methodology with Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development, an antiquated yet valid look at how children acquire knowledge. Once you understand how children argue, you can better wield their strawman ways against them.
Or, of course, you can just continue to scream at them a la Ultimate Warrior. That method usually works best.
Bring a sign, shamelessly self-bump
Signs are perhaps the most pivotal accessory to any live WWE event, especially one that will be televised, with crowd posters ranging from understandably appropriate to wildly offensive. Why should you miss out on any of that fun?
Many signs tend to be pretty straightforward, usually lauding a fan favorite or echoing some kind of modern or classic promo. There’s also the massive, super-imposed faces that have grown incredibly popular within other sporting events. With any luck, they’ll hurl your favorite superstar into an existential nightmare.
Some may also leap at the opportunity to get their own brand/product/Twitter handle featured on national television. This may seem enticing, but it comes off as pathetic. But that certainly won’t stop me from throwing a few ampersands onto my signage.
Suspend your disbelief
Unlike the Hulkamania and Macho Madness era, pro wrestling isn’t really fooling anyone; blame the digital age for our departure from the Platonic, suplex-ridden cave. Regardless, revelations regarding the theatrics and fiction of sports entertainment have done little to detract from WWE’s avid cliental.
As Max Landis contends in Wrestling Isn’t Wrestling, watching Monday Night Raw is like watching a Shakespearean production in the penny seats of the Globe Theatre, with the audience often proving to be the event’s strongest personality. Intoxicated or not, live up to that expectation however you will. And be sure to return home safe; I hear Wrestlemania isn’t far from the heartland.
